I Don’t Know

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Last night I watched the ESPY Awards.

I knew Caitlyn Jenner would be winning the Arthur Ashe Courage Award. And I knew that there would be a broad spectrum of reactions.

Now, I didn’t watch the awards live. I was at my son’s baseball game and we didn’t get back until close to midnight. I got home, checked Facebook, and there I saw reactions to the evening, from every end of the spectrum.

Deeply touched, proud, disgusted, horrified.

They were all there.

So I turned on the television and watched for myself.

How did I feel?

I felt sad. So very, very sad.

Sad that this woman has struggled for over 60 years.

Has never felt true. Never felt whole.

At 65 years old, when most of her peers are settling into retirement, she is stepping out, trying to be who she feels she really is for the first time in her life.

As an athlete, Bruce Jenner reached the ultimate goal for so many, seeming to symbolize all that was worthy of attaining.  By his own admission he thought of nothing else. It was all that mattered. A single-minded pursuit of being the best in the world.

And he got there.

But it didn’t satisfy.

It didn’t stop the pain. The loneliness. The confusion.

It wasn’t enough.

Marriages. Children. Fame and fortune.

It wasn’t enough.

And so Bruce is now Caitlyn.

Is she happy?

I don’t know. I don’t know her. At times I see her and she doesn’t look happy.  But I don’t know her. I haven’t talked with her. I haven’t asked her.

Other times I see her and she looks incredibly happy. But again, I don’t know.

Is it enough for her? Only Caitlyn knows the answer to that.

I do know that something she said last night kept me awake.

“If you want to call me names, make jokes and doubt my intentions, go ahead because the reality is I can take it. But for thousands of kids out there coming to terms with the reality of who they are they shouldn’t have to take it.”

Caitlyn shouldn’t have to take it, either.

It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of her choice, she doesn’t deserve to be ridiculed. She doesn’t deserve to be harassed.

No one deserves that.


Someone once discussed what they thought Jesus would say to Caitlyn Jenner. Which made me think about what I think Jesus would say to Caitlyn.

My conclusion: I. Don’t. Know.

But I do know this: She would feel loved. She would feel valued. She would feel treasured. She would be offered wholeness in Him.

Because Jesus changes lives and makes people whole.

How would Caitlyn respond to Jesus?

I. Don’t. Know.

I don’t know her. I’ve never asked her what she thinks about Jesus. I doubt I’ll ever get the chance.

But you know who I will probably get the chance to talk with?

One of the thousands of kids out there that she talked about. One of the ones coming to terms with who they are.

One of the ones feeling harassed, tormented, shamed for being honest about who they are, what they feel, and where they struggle.

And I hope, I truly hope, that if I do get the chance, that person will feel loved. Valued. Treasured. That he or she will see Jesus, and know that wholeness comes from Him.

Because Jesus changes lives and makes people whole.

See you soon!


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